Not ready

I lost my virginity in January of 2017. Then broke up with the guy and he asked to come talk but raped me on December 27, 2017. It took me almost 1 1/2 years to get into another relationship and when I did it was rocky and and we broke up but got back together a month later and we’ve been good since.

Every time we have a make out sesh he asks to put the tip in and I always say no because I’m scared of sleeping with someone again. I just don’t feel ready. But I feel bad for always saying no. And I’ve never took my shirt off or anything because I’m insecure about my body even though he says I’m perfect in his eyes I’m still scared and I hate the way I look.

Is it mean of me to keep telling him no? I’m just not mentally ready to sleep with someone again after what happened to me.