This is on the longer side, but I just needed to express my thoughts somehow. I’m working up the courage to send this to my boyfriend. But at the same time, I don’t want to.

I love you. I truly do. I’ve never loved someone as much as I love you. You’ve loved me like no one has ever loved me. I appreciate everything we’ve been through and everything we’ve done for each other. I’m really glad that I met you. Though....setting those things aside, I’ve come to the realization that we’re young. Too young to settle.

If I be truly honest with myself, I admit that I’m not as happy as I once was. I’ve grown and matured and you haven’t as much. We’re not in high school anymore. We’re growing up. I hate the fact that we never do things unless I bring it up, unless I take us, unless I say something. I’m always doing these things for you. And I get....usually almost nothing in return. We don’t go on dates, we don’t go out period. Are we actually dating or are we just....there? We don’t do anything but have sex. I am more than that. I deserve more than that. I need someone who will do the things that I willingly do for you. I don’t feel like your girlfriend. I’m just a girl you fuck with love. That’s how I’m starting to feel. That’s why we don’t have as much sex as we used to. I deserve to be spoiled and loved unconditionally, like how I have done for you. Do you love me or have you convinced yourself that this is what love is because you think I’m as good as you’ll ever get? I’m not as happy anymore. Pretending that I am is getting so tiring. And it’s not fair, to either of us. I understand that, but I’m scared. Of hurting you, permanently scarring you. You’re way too dependent on me. I’m not all you have, but you act as if I am. You’ve convinced yourself I am. I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m beginning to understand that it’s inevitable. We’ll both be hurt.

I’m too young to settle. And I’m not going to settle for a boy who doesn’t put as much as I do into this relationship. I need someone who will go above and beyond for me, like I have gone above and beyond for you. Like you won’t do for me. I truly love you! I’m just... Ive had enough of waiting for you to change. I tell you how I feel, what we need to work on and you’ll say “Okay”, “I’m sorry”, “I love you”, but nothing happens. You can’t just say you love me when I’m upset at you and expect everything to be okay again. I’m allowed to get mad at you. I’m allowed to be upset. But you make it hard because all you ever do is say “I love you.” I love you too, but that won’t fix the problem. I’ve told you that I’m not happy and you won’t do anything to fix it. I’m at my wits end here, love.

I’m setting myself up for a bright future and I refuse to let anyone get in the way of that, even you. And you know that. You tell me that you won’t get in my way, and yet you are. But refusing to grow up and start prepping for your future. You need to do something other than revolve around me. I am not your sun. Your future should be. I’m learning how to be an individual and you chose not too. You are more than my boyfriend. You need to learn who you are without me. You need to learn how to be happy with yourself and not just be happy with me. You need to learn who you are as an individual. You’re more than my boyfriend.

I feel under appreciated, under valued, taken for granted, etc. I do so much for you and.... it’s hardly done the same for me. I’m always doing things for you, and yet you hardly do things for me. Out of the 3 years we’ve been together, you got me something for our anniversary once. Something for my birthday once. No surprises. I don’t think it’s shallow of me to like and want gifts. I don’t care if you spend money on it or not. For our 2 year anniversary, I made you something that had almost 730 handwritten little notes with the things I loved about you. It didn’t cost me a thing, but it showed how much I love you. What did I get? Nothing. Every year it’s like this. Why? What exactly do I mean to you?

I know that it’d be in both of our best interests to break up and mature, but I can’t. I’m scared of hurting you. I’m scared that I’ll scar you forever. But I know it needs to be done. My heart is breaking as I’m writing this. Im crying because I love you. I don’t want this to end. But I know my worth. And you’re not treating me the way I’d like to. I can’t keep on telling you things to fix this. You need to learn how to take charge. I love you, but this isn’t working. I’m not as happy as I once was and you’re too dependent. We need to grow and find ourselves. That’s not too much to ask for right...? Maybe we’ll find our way back to each other...