What is wrong with me

I am 37.

When I was 23, me & my future ex husband used condoms. He wanted a baby & I did not. He took off the condom & went inside me. Just once. That’s all it took. My daughter is 12.

Years later when I was 30, I was dating what I thought was a good man. I was on bc pill. We had sex for the first time. I ended up preg. Again. From one time. I lost the baby at 10 weeks bc the pill affected my progesterone.

Fast forward, new bf of a year when I was 34. Not on the pill bc I lost faith I it. Back to condoms. It fell off. I knew about plan b, so I took it. My baby just turned 2.

Her father left me right away. I’m glad he did. I ran into my childhood friend, my first kiss. We’ve been happily married a year.

Ppl judge me. I get it. I have dif baby dads. But my dh doesn’t care. He loves us all anyways.

We have been ttc for a year. I’m even on letrozole/femara now. His SA was great.

I believe you should wait for marriage for sex. And I feel like God is punishing me. My dh deserves a child of his own. He’s such a wonderful dad to my kids.