Comfortable with porn

I never thought this would be something that would bother me but....mine and my fiancés relationship has been rocky and we are working on our problems one step at a time. We are getting better now after a few months of working on issues. (we had a miscarriage and both handled it differently and not well). However my sexuality is directly tied to my emotions. And if I'm not 100% happy and healthy in my relationship I'm never in the mood. Well...tmi but we filmed our own "porn" and I've sent him dirty photos in the past...do he has plenty of material..but last night I accidentally found out he's been touching himself to online porn and not me.. I didn't ever think something like that would upset me but it made me feel so weird and guilty for not having sex with him and super uncomfortable. He isn't hiding it. But I instantly told him I'm not interested in knowing. Gosh what do I do? Why do I feel so weird...