What would you do?

Question

I dated my husband for 10 years and have been married for 6 years. We've been TTC for 4 years or so I thought. We just finished going through all the fertility testing including laparoscopic surgery for me. Our diagnosis was unexplained infertility so naturally the next step would be iui or ivf. So we just had the appt with the doctor on Friday to discuss options. My husband decides to tell me today that he doesn't want kids at all. That he didn't when we got married and thought he would change his mind over time. However, for me, a family is all I've ever wanted. What am I supposed to do?

Answer

Life is so unfair, I'm so sorry.  My heart truly breaks for you. Not having kids was never an option for me.  After two years with the love of my life,  someone who never wanted marriage and NEVER wanted kids,  I knew I couldn't do it anymore. So I ended things.  It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I can't imagine having to make that choice after so many years of marriage,  but that may be what you need to do. Maybe,  hopefully,  just temporarily, so you can both sort out what you really need and want. This is YOUR life.  You need to do what is best for YOU. You only get this one life,  don't give up your dreams,  you will always regret it.  I was lucky,  after I left we had a very long bumpy road but it eventually led to now, happily married and TTC #1. But if I had never left,  I don't think we ever would have gotten here. He was scared and would have let it get in the way of everything. I wish you all the luck in the world.

Answer

Talk to him. Find out why he said that, what his thoughts are. Maybe after all the struggle it's too much stress and he could feel like it's his fault you aren't pregnant yet.

Answer

I'm so sorry to read this:( I wish I had an answer for you in the slightest...

Answer

It's really not fair for him to spring that on you after all this time. If you really want children and he led you to believe that he did too, he should respect that. I have a feeling though that he may just be frustrated or tired of stressing about it. Some people may try and come to the realization that they weren't meant to have children because it seems like it's not a possibility for them and this is just his way of dealing with it. Men aren't typically the best at articulating how they feel. It doesn't mean he wouldn't be an amazing father. Maybe he just can't see it happening. I would have a heart to heart with him and explain how you feel, something along the lines of, 'never experiencing parenthood would make me very unhappy/be a great regret in my life'. I will bet that he will get on board. I'm sorry that I don't have better advice 😔

Answer

Thank you all for your advice! My heart is truly broken. I'm 31 years old so time is ticking for me. I have no idea what I'm going to do but I do know not having children is not an option for me. I'm also a Christian and don't really believe in divorce so not sure where to go from here.

What would you do?

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