Can't act like it's okay anymore

I tried for 7 months to get pregnant with baby number 2 when I got pregnant I got scared and realize maybe it was too soon so I blocked myself emotionally until I seen the baby's heartbeat then I allowed myself to get somewhat attached now finding out baby's heart stopped at 7 weeks I am feeling defeated I have been trying to act like it's okay patiently waiting for the pills to start working so the process can begin, but as I can give my 11 and a half month old a bath I feel like I let my other kid down I know that the baby is in a better place with the Lord above but I can't help but think the baby should be here with me and it should still be in my womb with its heartbeating, I feel like I'm never going to have my second child I thought they said after you had a baby that the chances of a miscarriage would be slimmer I miscarried before my daughter, had my daughter and miscarried again. I don't understand why I'm trying so hard to stay positive but as I stand here watching her in the bath knowing my other baby is passed away inside of me it just kills me, and makes me feel like a failure

I wanted so bad to give my daughter a brother or sister but now I don't know if it'll ever happen