Hurting
It’s been 8 days since my angel left this world. For starters, it feels like months. I have never had time more so slowly. I hate the night time, that is when I cry the most. I don’t sleep well. I hurt physically and emotionally. I wish I could have something to numb my pain. I’m not talking about drugs or alcohol. I’m so tired of people telling me it takes time. And I’m so disgusted with people asking me if we’re going to try again. I don’t think I could imagine another loss. In the last 12 months I have had 1 devastating missed miscarriage at 10 weeks which landed me back in the hospital because my D&C wasn’t completed and my daughter was stillborn with anencephaly. My husband and I haven’t even discussed it. Why the fuck would I talk to you about it? (Not you reading this, but you know what I mean)
Honestly, I can’t handle any more heartache right now. I’m just feeling everything on high alert. I’m not sleeping or eating. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety after my miscarriage and now I feel dead inside. My antidepressants aren’t working anymore. I either cry or clean and cry. I am in so much pain and I just need to vent.
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