A Change

I have no idea what happened and what has me feeling the way I am. I’m not sure if it’s a phase or hormones but it comes to me regretting having another child, a child that not even 8 weeks and I found my self looking at abortion appointments but to describe that it’s someone who is looking for a cry for help and pups up how to kill your self but don’t actually do it.

I can’t physically see myself doing its not something I want to do period but it’s so upsetting that I’m having this feeling about wishing the pregnancy was terminated. Is it hormones? Is it being a mother already? I’m so upset that I’m wondering if I have a miscarriage and I will be fine with it but lord knows I would not. Why do I want to wash my hands of this pregnancy? It just started! I planned it ? What the hell happen for me to go to this feeling.

Miscarriage is not joke I feel for a lot of woman who have it. Maybe I’m scared because I might have one, it was planned so perfectly I became pregnant instantly, maybe god is toying with me and will take it later on right now I feel as if he can take it and I will be alright but if he takes it later after or if this feelings go away.

I’m suffering mentally so early on and I really hope it’s hormones and I come to love this pregnancy but for now I need help. I don’t know where to seek it, who do I even tell? What do I even say? I feel like everyone going to hate this baby because they love the first one and he’s still young.

I’m just lost and emotional.