I was reading a news article about rape by instrumentation earlier and it had me thinking. I've never thought of myself as a "rape" victim, but now I'm not too sure. Here's my story:

When I was 12, my cousins came to live with me because they were having family issues. Well, I live in a small house so we didn't really have room and one person slept on the living room couch while the other shared a bed with me. My cousin, we'll call her "Bea", always slept on the couch because she liked to watch TV and she was older so it was uncomfortable sharing a bed because we were both tall and it was only a twin bed. So my other cousin, we'll call her "A", always shared the bed with me. I am a very heavy sleeper and usually always fell asleep before "A", she was always watching tv by the time I fell asleep. Well, a couple months later I wake up to her hand on my breast. I didn't really think anything of it, she was asleep (or so I thought) so I just moved it and rolled over. I wake up later that night and it's there again, except this time she's touching my nipple. so I move it and scoot way up to the wall. I tell my mom and she brushes it off. A couple months later, her hand is my shorts. She's touching me, and im freaking out. I pretend to "wake up" and I go to the bathroom and come back but it happens again. She's awake because I feel her grinding against me. I tell her to stop. She doesn't. My mom says it was probably "an accident". It wasn't.

Anywho, time passes and it gets progressively worse. She "accidentally" walks in while I'm getting out of the shower, she touches me, fingers me, uses her mouth, and forces me to be quiet and not move. Every night almost. She also forces me to touch her despite my yanking away. I tried to sleep somewhere else but was never really allowed to for an extended period of time. I don't tell my mom again, I've lost hope. This goes on for well over two years, it stops because I get old enough to shove her off and she eventually moves away.

I guess I just want to know what it's classified as. It's been 5 years, and it still makes me freak out. I have a very loving boyfriend, and sometimes I flip on him when we do things and he just holds me and tries to calm me. But I can't help thinking of it, and it still haunts me.