I don’t want to care for my baby

My baby is 7 weeks. My husband and I planned her. But I have no emotional attachment at all. I’ve been diagnosed with severe postpartum depression and anxiety. I’m at my in-laws every weekend and they usually offer to care for her overnight. I never want to keep her. Like just during the day is tough but the thought of doing it at night gives me anxiety and fills me with rage. I’ve often had thoughts to shake her when she cries (my doctor is aware and I’m on meds) but sometimes it feels like it’s impossible to keep myself from harming her. I wish I hadn’t ever gotten pregnant. She’s such a burden and I feel like absolute shit because I don’t like being around her. I have a general love for her but I don’t LOVE love her. Will this ever pass? 😞

UPDATE ❤️

Baby is now 3.5 months old. I’m still struggling but I am SO MUCH better. I was hospitalized about a month ago and they got me stabile. Turns out I have Postpartum Psychosis!! Since I posted this my in-laws have been keeping my daughter. She is safe and always has been. Starting this week I will be keeping her every other night to test the waters, but I will have them down the hall if I need anything. Things got very very dark but are getting so so bright. I’m recovering. Thank you all for the kind words and words of encouragement. They mean so much more than words can explain. ❤️❤️