Mixed emotions post

Hi! I need to let out some mixed emotions. I hope I'm in the right place ... to make it short and simple: I have a 4 year old daughter, concieved at our first try, great pregnancy and great kid. When we started to think to try for baby n°2 in 2016, I had some health issues, nothing bad but we had to postpone any baby making until I got off the therapy. A couple of months after beginning this therapy I had a surprise miscarriage. It seems I got pregnant just before discovering my health issues and these pills caused it, my brain I guess doesn't acknowledge it though. Fast forward a couple of years, finally got better, and at the first try I got pregnant again. Had another miscarriage (I was supposed to be 10w but it seems my body absorbed it) and it hit us hard. All those hopes to have another baby kinda vanished for a couple of months. We started to talk about it and decided to try again. We really really really want another baby, hubby is very optimistic about it but I'm scared. I'm afraid of another miscarriage. My heart says "go for it", but my brain says "wait! Stop!"

I know a few couples who've been trying for so long and keep trying even after many miscarriages and I really do admire their strength. I've got just a tiny burn and I'm afraid of fire and I'm ashamed of myself for it.