What if... Dark thoughts

Question

We've been ttc for 2 years, 1 year with an RE and letrozole. Some days I fall so deep into a dark place I wonder if I will ever conceive. Then I start to wonder why I'm even going through all of this since it's probably always going to end in a bfn and then we will have wasted all these years, all our money, and most of my sanity on chasing something I could never have. This lasts a couple days and then I snap out of it and start to wonder, what if we never do conceive? How long should we try? Will we be happy if we never have our own baby? I can't be the only one thinking these thoughts? Have you? Have you put a limit (financially or timeline) on what you will or won't do? How do you deal with this? Sorry to be so depressing... AF is just leaving and my letrozole is making me emotional

Answer

I can completely relate to how you're feeling. We've been TTC our first baby for over 4 years and every failed month just gets harder than the last. I had an overwhelming episode pretty recently in which I asked myself all the questions you just asked. I pray that God's plan for my life won't be one of not being able to conceive and be a mother. It's hard to stay positive and hold on to hope, especially if you've been trying as long as I have because it feels like it will never be my turn. Each month results in the same outcome no matter what I try (which in a way it shouldn't come as such a shock and let down) but I remain hopeful that one day my prayers will be answered and I'll have my miracle baby. Sending you a hug. Hope you are comforted during your difficult time. Wishing you the best. ?✨

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You just described everything I go through! It's so hard. I don't know the answer either. Something that does help me is trying to spend some time and energy on things that I love that have nothing to do with TTC- like gardening, running, playing with my dog, getting my nails/hair done, etc. For a while I stopped doing anything that I thought would have the slightest negative effect= zero alcohol, zero nail polish or hair dye, gentler vs hard workouts (which I love) and I that really stressed me out. At least when I do things for myself I don't feel like I'm sacrificing as much.

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You ladies are great! I'm so happy to have had this app recommended to me. I really think the support from people who are going through what I am helps. Thank you all

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I'm going through the same thoughts right now. Got another BFN yesterday and it's like going through the 5 stages of grief every time. I had to leave FB too.. All the announcements and photos were making me crazy. Glow has been super helpful in making me feel not alone. It sucks big time when all your close friends are pregnant or have kids. Who can you talk to? I think that's the biggest thing for me. I want to be able to call up my friends and vent but I don't feel like I can and I end up holding all my emotions in and fake being okay or happy around them. It's getting harder and harder every month.

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I can completely relate to all your feelings. It has gone through my mind that what if we go through all of this for nothing? I was just telling my husband I would have rather not tried than try and go through all this and fail. He said he would rather try and fail (he's definitely the more optimistic of the two of us with regards to this!)
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​We are on our fourth and last IUI cycle. If it doesn't work we go to IVF. It was hard to accept at first that we even might need IVF - now I think about what if even that doesn't work?! I've set a "limit" of two IVF cycles. But if neither works, will I really just give up? I don't know. I guess we'll cross that bridge if to comes.

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Yup. Started Af yesterday & felt like giving up completely & was fine with not even having kids at all. Today I'm better & ready to take on my infertility & get pregnant next month :) we all have our days. Don't give up there's always a way

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I hear ya. We've been ttc for 2 years. 2 failed iuis, a failed ivf. We just did our 2nd ivf last weekend. On paper it looked like a great cycle, only to find out we only had 4 eggs retrieved. 2 fertilized and one made it to day 3. We are freezing that one today. It's our last shot. I don't know how much more we can take after this both financially and emotionally. We've spent over $40,000 so far with nothing to show for it and it makes me sick that most people are able to get pregnant multiple times for free!!!!

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You read my mind. You will get through the dark days. I always get really depressed with another failed cycle too. Hang in there! Where there's a will there's a way. I've decided if I need ivf then I will just make payments on it forever.

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Went a bit off the deep end yesterday and deleted my Facebook---  I saw one more pregnancy announcement than I could handle followed by the comments using words like "accident" and "unexpected". Some days are just bad.

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Will any if you ever consider adoption? I have a 12 year old daughter whom I adopted with my ex husband ... Family adoption... And my now husband has a 5 year old son from his ex. I'm not really considering adoption as we already have two kids. I want the whole process. Ultrasounds, kicking, labour pains, breast feeding etc.

What if... Dark thoughts

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