Hi, all. I’ve been downloading all of my old <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.nurture">pregnancy apps</a> in the hopes of finding an outlet for support. Please, refrain from any negative comments. I am in a fragile state, so to speak, while having to wean off of my medications as we had yet another surprise pregnancy (6w1d).

No, it wasn’t planned. We have a one-year-old, who is highly energetic and mischievous as ever. I love him to pieces, but I feel like I haven’t been enjoying him as I should. It’s as if I’m spending more time worried and stressed than in the moment. It makes me very sad. I truly wanted for him to be my last baby. I suppose we should have been even more careful than what we were...

I’ve always said how I didn’t understand how women could be moms of toddlers and babies at the same time. And here I am. Absolutely terrified. We have much to sort out and lots of changes to make in the way of preparing. We aren’t in the most ideal financial situation. We are able to provide for another child, yes, but I feel like it should have been under different circumstances. But, what are ya going to do? Deal with it. I could never have an abortion, so I immediately knew I had to step it up. I do wish it were easier, though.

Anyway, this will be my third. I have my son who is seven with ASD. He’s my first baby and always will be. He holds a very special place in my heart. We’ve been through a lot together, as he is from a different father other than my husband. Then, I have my one-year-old who was also unplanned but easier to accept and become excited about. My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage and she is eight. So, while it’s my third child, it’s our fourth together.

I didn’t intend for this to be so long, but I also didn’t realize how much I need to get out. It goes beyond this, but I have nowhere else to let it out. I truly hope we can stop worrying and be excited instead. I do believe everything happens for a reason, as cliché as it may sound. Perhaps this is the “kick in the pants” that we needed, as we’ve become too comfortable where we are in our lives.

I’m due December 18th (another December baby, sigh). I have a cyst on my left ovary that they want to keep a close eye on. I’m not sure if or how it can affect the pregnancy, but they seemed concerned at my OB.

I hope you all have a great Thursday. Thanks for reading.