I'm a mess

How is it even possible to be with someone if you have PTSD? I have sever anger so he usually gets yelled at and I feel like i cant stop often. I do have a counselor but I was seriously manipulated and sexually abused when I was small so it's just years of anger from it happening pent up.

What can I do to stop myself from the anger taking the front wheel? I have total disassociation from myself when it happens, kinda like I'm trapped inside of half my head because I essentially am.

We dont want to end things either but I'm scared I'm more hurtful than loving and I hate it. I just want to make him happy.

Edit

I'm not sure if you would consider my anger outburst abuse. I'm not intentionally trying to hurt him and it's not constant and on going. It's just one minute I'll be yelling at him for something stupid then I'll feel the guilt kick in and often I just start violently ramming my head into the nearest wall. The only time I've been physical with him was when I've been to far gone and I start hurting myself and he will try to stop me and I'll end up pushing him away or smacking his arm off me. I recently told him never to stop me again because ud rather me get a serious injury than for me to accidentally hurt him.

We both agree ending the relationship isnt an option. We have already fought hard for us to work and we wanna keep fighting on being a better couple.