Wtf?!? Starting IVF and best friend tells me she is pregnant

Question

So my husband and I have been TTC for almost a year. I've been poked, prodded, stuck more times than I care to remember. Starting IVF meds THIS WEEK. I got all the medications yesterday, I'm completely overwhelmed and just want to crawl in a hole I feel like such a failure and everything is just so unbelievably hard. So my best friend, who I've known my whole life, who is like a sister to me, who knows everything I'm going through, calls me this morning to tell me she's pregnant....... W. T. F. I had a mental breakdown yesterday when I received all the medications and had to tell work I was taking a leave of absence. My biggest phobia is needles and I'm terrified of all the injections. I already feel so broken down by infertility. Yes I've seen a counselor. Yes I've tried everything. My husband and I are not rich, yes, we have it better than a lot of people, but we don't have never ending money. For specialist visits, for surgeries, for acupuncture, for counselor, for $2000+ and counting for IVF meds, for $12,000 for IVF, for high risk obgyn visits, for all the vitamins and supplements, for all the healthy foods. Etc etc etc It seems like everyday someone else is getting pregnant. It seems like everyday I'm reminded I'm not good enough to have a baby. I'm married to a wonderful man who will be the best father I could ever have hoped for. We are both well educated, have caring, loving families. We would do anything for a child, we just want to be parents and love and raise a child who will be the light of our lives. Why is that so difficult? Why is it so easy for everyone else? All I have ever known my whole life is that I wanted to be a mommy. Why is it so hard to stay positive. To everyday paste a smile on my face and pretend like I'm not dying inside. I'm flabbergasted and shocked at my best friend she just got back together with her boyfriend, and wasn't trying to get pregnant, and now she's pregnant. After knowing everything I'm going through, why would she tell me? How am I supposed to be happy and supportive of her? I want to be but just can't right now. I know she has had her struggles and wanted to get pregnant but couldn't. But selfishly I think, you've never been married, my husband and I have been trying, we are stable, we are ready and prepared for this, we want this more than anything!! Why can't we have it? I don't know how I'm going to be able to see her or support her or be happy for her when I'm having to inject myself 4 times a day, get blood draws everyday, egg retrieval, embryo transfer, all of that, to not even know if I will get pregnant. We have always wanted to have kids around the same time, Im just so mad at the world because it's not fair. I want to be happy for her but I can't be. I'm so lost and tired of it all. Thank you for letting me rant.

Answer

I've been through your anger and frustration with your body, your husband's body, everyone's body that can manage to get pregnant while not trying, the universe, and everything in between. You are not alone. That's why the Assisted Fertility boards exist, to bring together women who struggle with the feeling of being alone in the world. But there is still hope. Don't forget that. If you didn't have a shred of hope in your heart you wouldn't put yourself through IVF. I too was phobic of the needles. I have to look away when my blood is drawn. I 90% fainted when I gave myself my first Ovidrel shot when we were still doing IUIs. I was on the kitchen floor, unable to see, and everything sounded far away, but I clung to consciousness. I was that bad. But in Zumba class there was a cool down song called Rather Be. I'm sure it's about relationships or whatever, but I clung to the words, "If you gave me a chance, I would take it. It's a shot in the dark, but I'll make it." I made it my ringtone for the fertility clinic. I made it the alarm noise for my injections. I wanted to make sure I tried everything before I went to my grave childless. 
Sit down with everything gathered beforehand to do your injections. Triple-check the instructions and videos online to give them to yourself. Get your mind in the right place before you start. That you can do this because you're an IVF badass. You are Earning your baby. Give the injection seated incase you get light headed. It might sting; it might burn. But it won't kill you. You'll be fine in a few minutes. After the first few days it'll get easier to get in badass mode rather than weepy mess mode.

You've got this.

Answer

I am in your shoes! We are close to doing IVF too (doing IUI this cycle) and it feels like no one understands... But remember there are a lot of women here who are dealing with the exact same feeling! Hang in there and try to see the light at the end of the tunnel! I cry my heart out every month when AF comes and then in a few days it passes and am ready to try to start over again with a new attitude! But your right, some people will never understand!

I am paranoid about people around me getting pregnant.... It hurts worse and worse every time another friend gets pregnant with their first try!

Answer

I almost felt like I was the one who wrote this rant of yours. Me and my husband have been trying to conceive for a year and half. Been through 4 IUI Cycles; First cycle with Clomid; Second Cycle with Letrozole; Third cycle with Letrozole and Double IUI; Fourth cycle with Menopur injections and Progesterone inserts with Double IUI.  It's been an emotional roller coaster. In an odd way this process has made me bipolar. At times I'm happy and hopeful, while at other times I've given up hope, bitter, angry and just tired. Babies make me smile but pregnant women make me roll my eyes. It's like the universe has conspired against me, testing my patience and level of endurance. Best of all is that I find out that my best friend is now pregnant and due in October. The minute she told me is the moment I realized how much this process has changed me as a person. I suddenly was overcome with anger, resentment, sadness, jealousy, but at the same time was happy but unable to show it. I spent four days crying my eyes out, unable to face her or speak to her. I didn't even know the person I became. Sad part of it is that I haven't been able to restore who I was. While she's planning the colors of the nursery and choosing baby names, I'm sitting behind a compute researching adoption sites and trying to convince myself not to give up but rather try IVF.  Not only have i lost a sense of who i am, but now i've lost the one friend i confided in with this process; the only person i was able to speak to about it since we have been very private about the matter and not disclosed to family and friends. So now I'm left with my husband, who as you know, cannot always relate or deal with our emotions.

The one thing i know is that I would be a great mother and my husband would be a great father. The one thing i don't know is if parenthood is in store for us. I've hit rock bottom but still try very hard to remind myself that perhaps I have to go through this bitter process  in order to be able to truly appreciate the sweetness in the future.

Answer

I'm so sorry. Infertility is just not fair. I don't think your friend was necessarily trying to hurt you, I think she probably just has no idea how infertility feels, and so she doesn't realize how her news would affect you. I think people outside the world of infertility are just clueless. That's why this group is so great--we get it. The heartache, the ridiculous money we have to spend on what should be a natural, easy process, the feeling like a biological failure, the grief. Big hugs to you and I wish you all the best with your IVF--you deserve the baby you're dreaming about!

Answer

It's ok to feel how u r feeling! It's ok to be pissed off and angry!! Take ur time with ur friend, to absorb her pregnancy. Congratulate her and keep your distance for a bit.
It's your time now - don't stress during your time- don't (try ur damn hardest) let anything else bum u out during your time.
 You need ur mind and body for your IVF if u want it to work! 
Be positive and tell yourself THIS is MY time now!!

Answer

Think of it this way...you are starting IVF so you are right behind her. You guys are gonna be pregnant and go thru this journey together. Your kids will be best friends. Everything your feeling is totally normal, but you will eventually accept and be happy for her. I am suffering from infertility as well and after a pregnancy loss. I was devastated when my BFF who is also my SIL announced her pregnancy ( they weren't even trying and planned to not have kids ). It took a couple of weeks, but I have accepted it and I'm now excited to have a niece/nephew soon.

Answer

Continued: I'm sorry your best friend is pregnant. The jealousy and pain is raw and human to feel. She probably told you because she didn't want you to find out later and be mad she told everyone but you. Work through your feelings, allowing yourself to feel them all, until you can just try to support her. If that's too hard, a little distance never killed anyone. If she's actually a great friend in there who empathized with your journey, she may be a little hurt but should understand if you calmly explain how you're feeling once you settle down.

Best of luck.

Answer

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time... My best friend had to go through the same thing for her two boys. However you said that the two of you have been best friends and like sisters since you were kids so she probably feels that she can share that information with you. Even though it is hard you should be happy and supportive for your "sister" and who knows maybe where you have always wanted to have children at the same time this is a good thing maybe her being pregnant will bring you the baby dust you need! Try to stay strong and healthy so you can get pregnant too!

Answer

take coq10 and use pre seed. it worked for me! I had my first son at 41 and my second boy  9 weeks ago at 44. a natural conception with both.
i ttc for 10 years with ivf iui clomid etc nothing worked! good luck! x

Wtf?!? Starting IVF and best friend tells me she is pregnant

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