He pocket called me from a club, initially I thought he'd called me to go pick his drunk ass up (like usual) - then I listened harder and heard him persuading a girl to go home with him...

Bit of back story - we were together from 16, I'd caught him messaging other girls multiple times but being the naive young girl I was I believed it meant nothing and it had never gone any further than texts. Took him back every time. Then one night my girlfriend's were driving me home and we drove past him with another girl in his car - he saw us and sped off but we caught up while he dropped the girl back at her house. I was heartbroken and huimilated and my friends were so upset too. But, again, being naive I took him back after 2 weeks. I still to this day don't know the full story of what happened there.

Fast forward 6 months and I find more messages to another girl, but this time it felt different. They sounded different when I read through them. Everything about the texts screamed there was more to it. I confronted him, he tried saying they were the same messages I'd found before he just hadn't deleted them...then eventually admitted he'd met her at college and they'd swapped numbers through a mutual mate. Continued to argue over it then he admits he's had her at his house (still lived with his parents!) but swore nothing happened.

By this point you must think I'm really bloody stupid, but he's so convincing that I believed nothing more happened and it wouldn't happen again, and we stayed together..

Another month passed and here we are - pocket call. I'm sitting with my girlfriends again having a chilled night at my apartment when BAM.

Heartbreak again.

I burst into tears and put him on speaker - all my friends heard it too. Telling that same 'college' girl I had nothing on her, she's the most beautiful girl he's ever met, his parents liked her, his mates liked her, he could really see it going somewhere and she should just get in the cab with him and they could talk more in the morning. Heard all the things he wanted to do to her. Heard his mates yelling at him not to fuck up what he had with me. Heard the whole cab ride back to his house - with her.

We drove there and banged the door until they let us in, we grabbed all my stuff and left. He didn't even know he'd called me.

It's a year later now and I just can't get over it all. It ruins anything with other guys I meet because I'm so convinced it'll happen again - he did tell me it was my fault I couldn't keep him interested. We don't speak anymore and I'm too scared to go for counselling.

I don't want to end up alone.

Please, help me 😭