Hi so this is rlly weird and but I just wanna write everything out and how I feel and Ik it’s weird lol. But I feel completely beaten down rn. My mom has so much on her plate and we’ve never had a good relationship bcuz she has 5 other kids and an abusive husband and I totally understand it. But I can’t talk to her. I haven’t talked to my dad for while and he’s a toxic person but only because of drugs and I miss him so much and him being my dad and I’m so scared he’s gonna die and I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye and that I love him bcuz I practically told him he’s not my dad anymore. My best friend which is the only person in my life I can talk to and understands is leaving this summer to be with her boyfriend. My friend just killed himself the other day and I have another friend that killed her self not too long ago. So many people are killing themselves these days. There’s been 5 this year at my school.Im not saying I’m gonna kill myself don’t get me wrong. I’m just confused.I just thought God wasn’t supposed to give you things in life you can’t handle. I used to be soo deep in my faith but now I don’t go to church And I have these doubts and it hurts so much cuz that’s who I need I feel like but something is holding me back and it hurts so bad cuz I don’t know what to do. I just feel mad at God rn. My grades aren’t good and I struggle in school and I just got a letter that I’m not getting credit in school bcuz ive missed over 10 days in one of my classes. Ig if I go to school at 6:45 until the end of the year then they’ll give me credit but I just feel so broken down rn. And I don’t even wanna try anymore bcuz whats the point. I used to talk to this one guy and I totally fell in love w him but he couldn’t do it anymore cuz he’s friends w my older brother and he felt like it was wrong of him. But I’m so still in love w him and he has a girlfriend now and I see pictures of them and it hurts so bad. My family just looks at me like a disappointment so much and that’s my worst fear is letting my family down. I have the worst anxiety I’ve ever had.And Ik people have far worst problems than me and I’m so sorry for them and I feel awful when i talk about my problems. Bcuz I rlly am blessed but I’m just going thru something rlly tough rn and I would love if you guys prayed for me. It would mean a lot .