Stuck in an endless cycle... is this PPD?
I need a place to rant, so if you keep reading past this sentence... bless your heart.
My LO is just about 5 months old. We moved to a new city about a month and a half ago.
Through that transition I also quit my job as a personal trainer and started working from home, still in fitness but from a computer instead of around people. I don’t have any friends here. And I don’t have any friends who are moms. My husband works 12-9:30 pm every week day and 7 am-2pm on Saturdays. I’m alone with my baby almost all the time.
I feel like I’m losing my mind. I have no desire to workout anymore, even though that’s been my passion and all of my schooling (I have 2 degrees in it for goodness sake). I was even competitive in lifting. I ended up letting my gym membership expire because I was going that infrequently. I don’t really stick with any of my old hobbies.
I honestly just feel like nothing I’m doing matters, is impactful, or has a purpose. I’m staying home all the time and I cant even fold a damn load of laundry. I feel lazy and irresponsible but at the same time I don’t know how to fit anything else in my day. I look back at how I used my time and don’t feel like I could have fit anything else in. It makes me so frustrated and angry.
I love my little guy SO much and really feel like we’ve bonded. I don’t think about hurting him or myself or anything like that. I’m just stuck in limbo and have no foreseeable way to get out. It sucks.