Finally figured it out.

My so has been telling me hell no on a baby. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage he has none. And we have fought about it. Because I only have a short time to have one more. He has been very confusing and hasn't been pulling out or anything since I got my bc out ( had to have it removed due to blood clots. ) finally tonight he talked to me about it. He said planning having a kid scares him. And when my kids are being butts he thinks about if he can handle three. And if we don't plan it and just say if it happens oh well then he is more likely to be able to "perform" and not be freaking out in his head. Makes sense. Lol.