I am so done. The moment I found out I was pregnant it made me sick. It was unplanned (on bc). I panicked and almost just went and got an abortion without even telling my fiancé but once I calmed down I decided to tell him that night. He was happy and excited and wanted the baby so I thought maybe my feelings would change. Weeks went by and I was extremely depressed and my anxiety was taking over me and I still felt no connection with the baby so I decided to talk with my fiancé about considering adoption. He assured me that I’ll feel differently once the baby is born and I was told the same thing by my mom. So I got all of the baby stuff hoping that would make me feel differently but it didn’t. I can see her in ultrasounds and feel her move and I still feel very disconnected. We have a name picked out for her but I can’t bring myself to call her by it I always just say “the baby”. I’ve tried antidepressants but they all made me extremely sick on top of the morning sickness that I’ve already had throughout the entire pregnancy. Everyday I feel like I resent her more and more for what she’s doing to me physically and mentally. I can’t go in public anymore because of how I look. I feel self conscious every time I eat because I already feel so fat. I’m disgusted every time I look in the mirror and see my stretch marks because I feel like my body is ruined. It’s hard for me to do pretty much anything it’s even a struggle just to go from laying on one side to the other side. I’m extremely swollen from the knees down. I wake up every night having anxiety attacks. I AM JUST SO DONE. I’m now 38 weeks and went into the doctor and my cervix is still thick and I’m barely dilated so it looks like she’s not coming anytime soon. After my appointment I just came home and cried because the only way I’ve been coping is knowing that I’m close and could possibly have her any day now and at least start getting my body back and hopefully be able to try antidepressants again so that was not the news I wanted to hear. I just hope that everyone is right about me feeling differently once she’s born and I can hold her because right now I feel like a horrible selfish heartless person and the guilt of that is eating at me extremely bad.