I didn’t like my husband..

I loved him when we met and I loved him when we moved into together. I loved him when I got pregnant. Then lies started coming up. I gave him a chance but never looked at him the same. After I had our son, we were happy again. Not because of our son but because we had worked things out.

Well, a few months later I start seeing more lies. Him drinking, talking to girls, going to strip clubs, ect. Never anything physical with someone else but still. I told him it was over. I packed my bags and tried to leave. He begged me to stay. I did but I resented him. I hated him for lying and emotionally tearing me apart. I hated him for not thinking of my feelings. I hated him for ruining something so wonderful. I did everything for him, cook, clean, take care of our son, make sure the bills were paid so he didn’t have to stress about it. I stopped doing that. I cooked for me and my son. I cleaned when I felt like it. I told him to go pay bills after he got off work. He started to hate me.

He preferred being at work then coming home to us. I preferred him at work too. I hoped everyday he’d have overtime so I wouldn’t have to see him as long. My son was only 9 months. He started not caring for his own dad. Because we stupidly kept him away from each other when we were at home. We’d never be in the same room and my son didn’t like being without me. So he just barely saw his dad. I planned to move out, to get a job and live with my son and move on. I cried everyday knowing my son would grow up like me.

Then one day, I cooked, I told my husband there was food if he wanted it and I went to the room. He followed me and told me “I want ya back.” I didn’t want to hear it, but at the same time I did. I didn’t believe it but at the same time I did.

We talked. We played with our son together for the first time in weeks. I told him this was the last chance. I told him I was gone if something happened. We slept in the same bed that night, not touching but we were together.

It slowly got better. We started saying I love you and meaning it. We started kissing each other randomly again. We started loving each other in every way. We stopped being distant and started being lovers again. I still thought about “should I leave?” “This isn’t going to last.” We’ve had arguments but nothing as bad as before.

Now we’re happy. Our son is happy, he cries for his dad when he’s in the shower and begs for him to hold him when we’re watching movies.

We actually miss each other now. And he wishes he didn’t have to work so much and I feel the same.

Our son is now a year and a half almost and I’m two months pregnant with #2. We’re happy now. It took a lot of work but it’s worth it. I know we still have a lot to work on but it’s easier now.

Edit:

This all came from him opening up to me yesterday about him still hating that he did that to me. And that he was grateful I gave him a chance. He told me he couldn’t blame me if one day I just walked away and never looked back. He told me it wasn’t at all my fault and that he knows he was dumb and wrong. I told him I love him with all my heart. I do still have trust issues but I don’t want to lose what we have. I forgive him, I haven’t and can’t forget. But I know he’s trying and I love and appreciate him.

Update:

Thank you ladies for all the kind words. I was scared of posting because of judgement so that’s why I posted on anon. But you guys are wonderful! I hope anyone who read this and is having problems can find the strength to get through it! It took us (mainly me) over a week to even be able to touch each other again. I do still check his phone occasionally and he doesn’t go out anymore because I don’t like it. But he understands and I appreciate him for that. I know it’s not the healthiest way to be but it’s been helping us a lot so far. Thank you again for all the positive words and love. You guys are such a blessing!