Need to vent. And a tad bit of ad vice

For give me idk where to post this

So I just had my second child 9 months ago. And she almost didnt make it because of her sugar level and I nearly bled out. Post OP was hard with my second. They told me my uterus was very lazy now. (Hard not to get insulted but w.e right?) I didnt stop bleeding heavy till 4 months after I gave birth. Before my first child I lost 4 kids. In between my two kids I lost 3 and one still born. So I'm a little scared to get pregnant again. Not really sure on how my body will handle it again. I want 4 kids and make my family huge and loving. My husband wants the same. Last night I told him if we are gonna have sex we need to break out the condoms. He said no I don't want to. I like feeling you. And I said are we trying to get pregnant because this is my strongest ovulating day. 33.9% chance. He said well let's roll the dice and see what happens. My jaw hit the floor. In shock he would be so relaxed about more kids this soon and after every thing we have been through in the last year and a half. Yes he was serious bout it. And I love that. But in the back of my head idk what to do about the little voice of what if. Has anyone on here been through something like this. How did you sort it out in your head. I want more kids but is it worth risking my life or what if my body is better now that we took care of my illness. And if I dont try what if I miss my chance