Am I being selfish, or is he being controlling?

Question

My husband and I have had a few "talks"  about my Dad's offer of a place to stay and visit/vacation for a few days sometime in the future. He lives about 5 states away, btw, so it would have to be a flight visit. 
I was very close with my father growing up, but fell a lot out of touch after his and my Mom's separation. I haven't really spent any significant amount of time with him in over 4 years, so when he suggested that I (and my husband if he would like) visit him sometime I was quite interested in doing so. 
Well, my husband says it's stupid. He says my Dad should come and visit US in our state (my Dad DID for our wedding last year). He says that would make more sense because we are newlyweds  (been married a little over a year now). Over the past couple of months I have brought up the idea of visiting my Dad to him, and he has put me down every time. He says he doesn't like the idea of me traveling that far alone, but insists that he can't afford to go with me (he has vacation time saved up, btw). We had a huge fight about it last night when I told him that I was going to go and visit my Dad in September and that he was welcome to join me if he'd like. He got really mad because I'd brought it up this time without asking for permission and without wording it as a vague idea. 
He said it makes no sense. Why doesn't my Dad just visit us? We shouldn't spent that long (7 days max) apart because we haven't been married that long. 
By his reaction I could tell he was really going to make me regret it if I did visit my father without his "blessing". 
I miss my Dad, but am I being selfish for wanting to spend money on a flight and time away from my husband to visit him? Or is my husband being controlling?

Answer

Your husband is an idiot. You being newlyweds does not mean your father is obligated to visit you instead of you visiting him 🙄 he sounds like he doesn’t wanna go and is making every ridiculous excuse in the book to try and justify that. If you miss your dad, go visit your dad - without your husband if need be. Your husband does not control you, so if you can afford to go see your dad, do it.

Answer

This made me so mad to read. My dad lived 8 hours away from me before he died and my husband never questioned me when I would make plans to see him. Once I even made plans day of and again, he would have never told me I couldn’t go. Sometimes he came too, sometimes he didn’t. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to ask “permission” to see your own parents wtf

Answer

Your husband sounds like a douche. Don’t let him control you. You do it once and it doesn’t end there. They start controlling ALL parts of your life. I know from ex husband experience. Be your own person now.

Answer

1. He’s your husband not your owner. You don’t need his permission to visit your Dad. 
2. Your husband is being unreasonable about you wanting to improve your relationship with your father. 
3. If he’s that bothered about you going on your own, he should buy himself a ticket and go with you. 
Your husband is making more of a deal about this than is necessary. 
Visit your Dad!

Answer

No you aren’t being selfish. It’s your father, you deserve to go see him. If he flew to you a year ago for your wedding it makes sense that you would fly to him this year to see him. It’s not like you’re going on a vacation with friends, you’re going to see your father. You have every right to want to spend some time with your dad.

Answer

He sounds controlling to me, if you want to go see your dad you shouldn’t need your husbands permission. I don’t understand what being newly weds has to do with it either? Sounds like he just doesn’t want you to see your dad and thats not on at all.

Answer

No you’re not being selfish for wanting to go see your father and mend our relationship. Your husband is completely selfish for not allowing that. He’s being controlling and the issue it seems is that he is insecure and worried you’re going to find somebody else or cheat. I can sympathize with someone who is worried about their significant other cheating on them or maybe going out to bars and being wild while away but it’s a whole different ball game to step in the way of a relationship with someone’s family member  especially parents or children. I would make it a point and go anyway. Because if you listen to him and don’t go that will only show him that if he throws fits, causes huge fights and makes you scared that he’s going to ruin your time, you listen to him and you don’t go. It only gives him more power over you to control you. Plus if you go on your trip and he sees that everything went fine, that there was nothing to worry about maybe he will slowly let up. that’s been my experience in the past relationships. The more that I did what I wanted to do ( mind you, as long as it was healthy decision and I talked to them about it. I’m not talking about being an asshole) The more that that person saw that they couldnt control me. I wasn’t going to allow it

Answer

It’s not selfish, it was sweet of your dad to invite you and family is important. I’d say you should stop giving your husband the option of saying no. Trust me I get that you don’t want to start more serious fights, but family should be a priority. Just tell your husband it’s important to you to go visit your dad, and while you’d love for him to come with, if he’s not going to take off you’re gonna go alone for a few days. We never know how long we’ll have our parents for so just do it now before one day you can’t and you resent yourself and your husband for it

Answer

He’s being controlling by a landslide. It’s your dad go see him with or without your husband. Spending a few days away isn’t a big deal.

Answer

Your dad gave you life 
Go and see him. Fuxk your husband he sounds like an asshole.

Am I being selfish, or is he being controlling?

Let’s Glow

Glow is here for you on your path to pregnancy

25+ million

4.8 stars

20+

Getting Pregnant

Pregnancy

1st Year (Baby & You)

Baby Products