Somebody to lean on

I’m a FTM to twin boys.. yup as if that wasn’t extreme enough I also had a traumatic after birth experience with first having to stay a week in the hospital with baby B for low birth weight and respiratory issues then devolved an infection in my c-section incision which caused me to be re-hospitalized after we were let home.. the first 2 weeks of my babies lives left me feeling already defeated. My babies will be a month old Saturday and most days I feel like I cannot do it. I’m having a really hard time feeling like I’m doing anything right and often hand off the babies to my mom so she can help with what’s going on with them. I feel like my babies would be better off without me.. I love them so much but I can’t stop feeling like if someone else had them they would be doing so much better. I hate that my brain is saying these things to me and everyone just keeps telling me it’s normal and I’m doing a great job, nothing is wrong with the boys, well I don’t feel normal. I can’t even handle being alone with them.. being alone with them gives me so much anxiety because I cannot help them both... I just need to be around people that can relate and am so glad there’s a community of people going through similar things. I can’t wait till my 6 week appointment so I can get proper help