please help me... advice?? anything?

This is going to be a long one so get ready.

Okay so I have been with my boyfriend, we’ll call him Jake, for 14 months now. Since the beginning, we’ve moved very fast as. We kissed the first date, he asked me to be his girlfriend within the first week, had six within the first two weeks, said “I love you” within a month, you get it.

So within the first three months of us dating, he went fishing with a buddy and we hung out later that night. (I was a senior, about to graduate) I was at his house later that night and his phone lit up with a snapchat from a girl named Savannah, I asked who it was very non confrontationally, and he got defensive so of course I told him to open it in front of me. He threw a fit before opening it and the girl said “hey how was you day?”. I have been cheated on before, so I questioned why he is getting snapchats from other girls, we fought, he made it all somehow make sense and we moved past it.

About a month later, on my graduation day he totally dropped the ball. He was almost an hour late, didn’t sit with my family, didnt even stick around afterwards to take a picture with me, and left to go smoke week with his friends. (You’ll see weed is a big issue for him.)

Once again, I got upset. I spent the rest of the night and time with my family there to celebrate me upset. I sent a lengthy text message, considered leaving him and he somehow buttered me up and told me he was going to make it all up to me the next day when he took me to a baseball game. I fell for it.. again. I wanted to believe him when he said he would make it better. So the next day- we go to the game, have a great time and all is well.

I spend the night at his house that night and the next morning he wakes up before me to go to the bathroom. For some reason, I had a gut feeling I needed to check his phone. This is something I hate doing and I’m ashamed to say becomes a common thing for me. I see a girl named Emilee on his snapchat, I look at messages between them say “I don’t want to be a relationship ruined but i miss you” and he responding “I miss you too, i don’t know how we will make this work”... I’m crushed. He ruined my graduation for me and now this. I started to leave and he begged me not to go and made the excuse that he was only talking to her because he thought i was going to leave him because i was upset about him being late to my graduation. He somehow made this excuse make sense to me again, he’s so good at talking his way out of trouble...

Fast forward about a month, I move in with him. He lives with his friends family, his friend is in the military and away at training and it seems like everything is going fine. We hardly fight. Unless it comes to money. Around this time i find out that he has been hiding the fact that he is thousands of dollars in debt from unpaid student loans after he dropped out of college. He’s ran his bank account into the ground, and he frequently asks me for money and uses me debit card to hold what money he does make for himself. I still didn’t leave. By this time, his friend comes back from training and we’re forced to sleep on the floor of his filthy room. I still didn’t leave. Instead, I invited him to move into my sisters house with me.

Now is when the fighting about money begins. He refuses to stop smoking weed to get a better job. I’m a barista. He’s in construction and at the time he was barely working or would call in sick to regularly.

This entire time, my sister, my mom, my stepdad and everyone is telling me i deserve better but i still defend him.

Throughout the next several months, I continue to go through his phone and find him adding random girls in social media, deleting certain things, downloading apps that allow you to screenshot snapchats without people knowing you did, etc. I STILL stayed.

Fast forward to two days before our one year anniversary. I’m doing his taxes for him and I couldn’t remember his turbotax password so i sent a new one to his email. Thinking nothing of it, I open his email and one of the first things I see is a confirmation email for a website that is a nude picture sharing gallery. He’s asleep beside, i wake him up in hysterics. I’m crying and ripping clothes out of drawers, packing his things, sobbing and asking why he treats me like this. Somehow, he still says the most gorgeous things and convinces me that he’ll never do it again. and that he will man up and be the man I deserve. Over the next month and a half, I try to break up with him serveral times... But every time, he talks his way out of it. He cries, and he begs, and i cry and i ask for a reason why or an explanation.

I should also mention he has a prom addiction.. He told me after i noticed that he watched prom every. single. day. It would sometimes affect our sex life. It made me so upset that rather than having sex with me in the morning before he left for work, he would go out to his car and handle it himself. It just made me so induced knowing he would rather do that than have sex with me... He told me he had watched it ever since he was 8 years old and his mother forced him into therapy and that he thinks it only messed him up more. He would swear to me that he would stop watching for my sake. I would compulsively go through his phone, get angry at him for breaking his promise, and the cycle would continue. One day he actually called me to “thank me for helping his kick such a disgusting bait” and for supporting him through it all. He didn’t know that i knew he had watched it only the day before, i asked him when the last time he watched prom was and he said “about a month and a half”. He lied right through his teeth. And I still didn’t leave...

But now I need help. Things have been great ever since, but now I know I need to walk away. I compulsively go through phone at night. My sister hates him so much that she told me when have 30 (now 27) days to move out and i’m so scared to move into an apartment with him and be stuck in a lease for the next year.

I think he knows he’s on his final straw or he’s just getting better about hiding and sneaking things because he has been the most perfect boyfriend and i don’t understand why i’m still unhappy... this is what i wanted but i still cry everyday. I don’t know how to break up with him now that he’s working so hard and being everything i’ve asked of him... please help me.