Feeling lost...

So my sister is around 4 months pregnant and I just miscarried a week ago yesterday, at 6 weeks. Yesterday she had her gender reveal its a boy. I feel so mad and envious and jealous but at the same time I tell myself that I shouldn't feel this way cause she was pregnant before me and I pretty much feel like my pregnancy doesn't/didn't matter.. Nothing makes this feeling better.. I thought I was fine and that's why I went yesterday but I'm really not okay. I don't want to get pregnant again while shes pregnant cause these feelings that I have about my pregnancy with hers plus my family or mom really, just wouldn't approve, but I really want to get pregnant again. I just wish I could still be pregnant with my little squirtle....