Ladies, validate me... Tell me its OK... Ease my mummy guilt.

Baby will be two months on Monday, and I think I'm done.

We've encountered hurdle after hurdle. I've never enjoyed breastfeeding, but figured as long as I am able to, and as long as its working for my little boy, I will do it. But it hasn't "worked for me" since the beginning.

My milk was really delayed at the start, not until day 6, due to planned c section and no skin to skin after birth. Boy lost 15% weight loss. Feeding program, ugh. Exclusive pumping for over a week (grim) gave him 2/3 BM and the other 1/3 formula to suppliment. Took a month until he was back to birth weight, and from then we were able to go back to exclusive breastfeeding. A few days later I got thrush... 3 weeks later and aggressive treatments for both me and him, and it's still there... Ugh so much pain.

But it was working for him so I carried on.

This last week though I don't know what's changed. His weight has gradually dropped from the 50th centile at birth, stabalised between 9th and 25th after a month, and has now dropped to the 2nd. His nappy output has decreased the past couple of days and he has been incredibly fussy at the breast - crying, throwing head back, arching back, unlatching. Been like this since Wednesday night. It got so bad today that I gave him a top up after his lunch time feed and am now pumping and bottle until I can speak to my health visitor on Monday, when he is due to be weighed.

If he hasn't had a decent weight gain on Monday then I think I have to call it quits. Breast milk is meant to be best for my baby, but it's clearly not when he's not gaining weight effectively.

My husband is very very pro breastfeeding and has always pushed me (nicely) to keep going. I don't want him to think of me as a failure but instead to be proud that I have managed two months.

Can some of you who formula feed please share with me some of the benefits over breastfeeding so I can feel a little better about it all?