Infant and Toddler

I am a stay at home mom with two daughters (2 1/2 & 5 months). Everyday feels like groundhogs day- it’s the same as the day before. We go out 2-3x a week to mommy & me classes or my parents but I still feel so isolated and alone. When we’re home, all I do is feel trapped inside these 4 walls and I can’t stop thinking about all the chores that need to be done, all the organizing I’d like to do, all the toys I wish were away and out of my living room. I feel so overwhelmed so easily and it never seems to dissipate. I’ve spoken to my doctor and she recommended speaking to a therapist but for whatever reason I find myself not able to dial the number and make an appointment. It’s so easy for me to call or do things for others but why can’t I do it for myself? I want to always be with my girls and never leave them but I also want to run away sometimes— I want a night out with my husband but I also want to be with my girls— I want to go get a pedicure or a massage but I’ll just be thinking about being home with my girls. Why and how do I feel such polar opposite feelings at the same time?! Will I ever feel steady instead of such highs and lows?! I just don’t feel like myself anymore. Every friend I talk to with kids seems like it’s so much easier for them- their kid sleeps, their kid doesn’t cry too much, their kid can be put down— what am I doing wrong?! Why haven’t I learned more and why am I not a better mom the second time around?! And why can’t I lose weight??!!