my story of faint lines and words of encouragement🌈

so I thought I would write how I’ve been feeling as I’ve been sent home from work today sick... so when I was young I fell pregnant I was 14 and I just met my partner we had been together 6 months, I was on the pill I took it everyday at 6pm and still fell pregnant before I even had the chance to wrap my head around what had happened I lost my little one at 9weeks.. I fell into a dark place of depression I blamed myself and I couldn’t do day to day life without it popping into my head and making me angry and sad.. then last summer I had faint lines on test and I thought ‘I’ve been with my same partner 6 years now I’m ready’ I booked an appointment to get everything confirmed but I started bleeding and turns out I had a chemical.. again I fell in a dark place of depression and I blamed myself and I thought maybe it just wasn’t the right time... no fast forward to a week ago I had faints line again but I said to myself ‘I am not pregnant unless I see a strong line’ I didn’t want to get my hopes up, the lines got darker I thought this was my time until the day I expected my period I took a test and the line was lighter.. I stood still and knew what was coming and then 20 minuets later i started to bleed, I went to the hospital and again I lost my little one.. I have been to every doctor and hospital to be told your only 21 it will happen for you soon and don’t worry.. this is my 3rd lost with no answer to why I can’t seem to carry and why it keep happening my doctor even said to me ‘wait until you loose your 5th’ I am not loosing anymore baby so I’ve had to turn this into a money situation and go private and get some answer... hopefully in the next couple of weeks I’ll have some answer and when the time is right and it happens again I will hold my baby in my arms and still light a candle every night for the 3 babies I never got to meet... I am still at mum even without my babies here but a little positive message to everyone out there struggling you will be a mum one day and you’ll be a bloody good mum and to all the women who have lost babies you are always going to be a mum even if you didn’t get the chance to see you baby or hold your baby you will always be a mum and we all will get our chance to hold our babies one day❤️ chin up ladies our rainbow babies will be ready to meet us soon🌈🌈🌈