Help - I think I don’t love him anymore

Well, I am 31 and have been married for 4 yrs. I had an arranged marriage that most of the south asian do.

I never enjoyed sex with my husband. For the last 3 yrs I might have had sex with him may be 15-17 time. Initially for 2.5 yrs, he never use to do it frequently may be once every 2-3 months and then I lost interest.

In between I met a guy who’s 17 yrs older than me and I made out with him once almost 1.5 yrs ago. I am still in touch with him, he happened to my client at work. We talk and kiss sometimes and I am always wet with his touch.I regret every-time I kiss him but I just can’t resist it. He’s happily married with kids and I know he don’t love me. He just enjoy my company and I have heard that he has relationship with multiple woman though he refuse all the rumours.

I am currently ttc and having sex with my husband regularly but I just do not enjoy sex with him at all. I am tired of Mechanical sex for baby.

I don’t know if its a problem with me or him. I just don’t get wet when he touch me. I care for him a lot and don’t want him hurt.

I am so confused and frustrated and just don’t know what should I do.

I am trying hard to normalize things with my husband. He’s a wonderful man and loves me a lot but our sex life is not good. I talked to him so many times with him to make him understand what I like in bed but he just don’t try to please me.

I can’t divorce him because of our family and my culture.

I just hate my life.

Please no negative comments. I know I did a horrible thing cheating on him and I do regret it.