What’s wrong with me? (Possible TW)

My husband and I have been together for 5 years, and he’s not the first person I’ve been with. I’ve always been very sexual, and have an extremely happy, honest, comfortable sexual relationship with my husband.

He just came back from an 8 month deployment last month, and suddenly, every time he touches me I have a panic attack. My mind goes blank, my stomach drops, my heart races, I feel like I’m about to throw up and I almost burst into tears. I want nothing more than to throw him off and run away.

I have NO IDEA why I’m freaking out this bad. I love him so much. I want to have sex until he touches me then I panic. It’s been over a month, almost two since he’s been back, and we’ve had sex lots of times. I’ve genuinely enjoyed some but others I muscle through thinking it’ll get better but I still panic.

My husband would NEVER force me to have sex if I told him I didn’t want to, but I just opened up about this tonight. We’re TTC so I’ve been trying to power through. He’s understanding but also dejected, which I completely empathize with.

Why is this happening? Has anyone else gone through this? I just feel so lonely