Just a story of encouragement and hope after loss.

A year and 3 weeks ago I received the worst news of my life as the doctors told me they couldn’t find a heartbeat of our sweet baby boy at my 16 week appointment. That day we were faced immediately with what our next steps were, induce labor or have a D&E, have extra genetic testing done or go with what insurance is more likely to cover. It was a whirlwind of emotions, decisions and grief. I remember that burning pain of loss so well. Fast forward a month and we got test results, they found nothing to indicate why we lost him, even with the super detailed testing. So we began testing me, this was my second loss after an early miscarriage 5 years prior. Still they found nothing to indicate why we lost the baby.

We decided after a five months we were ready to try again. Well before we even got the chance I found out I was already pregnant.(a shocker because it took so long the last time) This pregnancy felt totally different, with the innocence ripped away and stained by fear. I continually set goals in my mind of when I could feel safe and comfortable with this pregnancy and stop worrying, but of course fear would still pop up. This pregnancy has been a roller coaster of scares and ups and down. But our sweet baby boy is doing wonderfully. Today I am 37 weeks pregnant! I have 2 more weeks until I finally hold him in my arms and see his sweet face! It finally feels real, I’m finally NOT afraid! 🙌🏼🙌🏼

If you are going through a loss, still trying to get pregnant or struggling with fear in your rainbow pregnancy you are not alone. There is hope, there is light at the end of the tunnel, there is a rainbow after the storm! 🌈 God has reminded me over and over through this process that he has never left my side, he was with me through it all.