Rainbow Pregnancy and conflicted feelings

Please don't bash me down!

Me and my so have been trying for a baby for 2 years, we lost one at 10weeks in 2017,since then we have lost 7 more. It devastated us but we pushed through.

Last week I found out I was pregnant, I was elated, happy, nervous all the usual feelings. I suffer with mental health issues and I am on venlafaxine 159mg. Currently I can't help questioning whether I want the baby, I feel absolutely terrible. Some days I can't wait, others I'm like do I want this. I'm so conflicted and I feel like an awful mom.

Is it normal or do I not want the baby?