I dont know what to do....

I'm tried of thinking...of seeing everyone happy around me...I have been to therapy for like 6 years and for 3 years when I was little I have been in and out of mental hospitals one cause my family dont wanna deal with cause I'm bipolar...I have cut I have been think to do it again cause I honestly hate myself and it makes the pain go away I drink alot now like alot I was addicted to pills all kinds i have been off and on them i have had eating disorders the biggest i have been is 230 and lowest is 140 idk what to do i really depressed like really depress the worse i have been ever idk what to do...anyone been like this and starting to not eat I barely eat I'm scared I'm going back to starving myself