what should have been done?

Question

i was talking to my friend the other day about something that raised a lot of red flags for me. she has a daughter who is about to turn 6 and my friend has been trying to adopt as she cannot have anymore children. the agency she is trying to adopt through placed a baby with her who is about 15 months old. anytime i’ve had any interaction with her daughter, she seems completely normal to me but i recently learned that the little girl would offer to give the baby a bath. my friend, of course, would say that she could help but that she had to be there because she was too young to be handling a baby that young by herself. 
well, the other night, the baby was playing with some toys in the bath & her daughter was also in the bathroom sitting next to her so she thought it would be an okay idea to leave her daughter in the bathroom alone with the baby while she ran to the baby’s room real quick to grab some pj’s. she was gone for maybe 30 seconds at most. when she walked back into the bathroom, she witnessed her daughter playing with the baby’s “ding-a-ling”. now, she wasn’t hurting him in any way - the baby was actually laughing, OBVIOUSLY not knowing that what the girl was doing was doing was wrong. but the girl is also 6, so i can see how her curiosity got the best of her. when confronted, she said she had never done it before & wanted to see what it would feel like. 
my friend calls me sobbing later that night & asked me what she should do. she said she thinks she needs to report it but that means the baby will get taken away from her and it will go on record to show that her daughter was “molesting” the baby when trying to book with other adopting agencies. she also said that if she didn’t report it, her daughter might assume that what she did was not that extreme. it also could be a danger to the little boy but she would be able to keep him & possibly adopt him. her mom would obviously reprimand the hell out of her daughter. 
i wanted to know what y’all thought about this?

Accepted Answer

Your friend just needs to explain to her daughter the differences between boys and girls and that she shouldn't touch him there again. 
I don't think it's as big an issue as your friend is making it out. Her daughter was curious, obviously she doesn't know the difference and just needs to be brought up to speed.

Answer

She’s just checking it out because it’s different than hers. I definitely would not report that. The 6 yr old has no frame of reference for what reporting that would even mean or do. It’s not like the 6 yr old was doing it in a sexual manner either, I’d assume. She needs to have a serious conversation with that girl about the different private parts and why they’re private and who should or shouldn’t be touching them. 6 is actually a little old to not have already had that talk.

Answer

I wouldn't report it, she is very young and at that age they are very very curious. I definitely wouldn't say it's molesting a child 🙄

Answer

Honestly the most concerning thing in this story is that she left a baby alone in a bath with a six year old to supervise. 
If she’s doing regular check ins with a worker from the adoption agency, it’s a good idea to mention it, but it’s not like she has to take her daughter down to the police station for them to lock her up. 
She should also start having talks with her in age appropriate language and without shaming her curiosity, that include the physical differences between boys and girls, personal boundaries, ok and not ok touch, and proper anatomical names, so she can stop saying things like “ding-a-ling”  (shudder).

Answer

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. My brother molested me for years. The situation you described here is completely different and is a curiosity thing - not sexual or malicious in any way. I can understand the worry, but if your friend explains to your daughter not to do that and the differences between boys and girls then really I don’t see a reason to worry. There are books made for children about bodily autonomy if your friend would like to get her daughter something like that to really drive home why touching the boy there was inappropriate. Hope this helps

Answer

I agree with everyone who has said don’t report. Reporting has more potential damaging effects to the mom than to the 6 year old. When she talks to her, I wouldn’t reprimand her, but rather explain to her that we don’t touch other people’s private parts without their permission. And while that discussion is taking place is the perfect opportunity for the mom to talk to her daughter about how no one else should be touching her private parts without her permission, so she can gain some autonomy through this situation. It should be treated as a learning opportunity. It seems like she was really curious. I bet there are kids books out there too that would help explain something like this to a 6 year old.

Answer

She needs to just talk to her daughter.  If she’s never explained to her daughter that she shouldn’t be touching the babies penis, how does she expect her daughter to know?  Kids aren’t born knowing this.  In fact her daughters only experience with the babies private areas would likely be watching her mom touch them while she changes the babies diaper.  I don’t understand why she is treating the situation like her daughter is a dangerous predator.

Answer

She should talk to her daughter, not report her. Shes 6! Kids that young are very curious. Little boys grab themselves, little girls do the same.. they're all so curious and learning. Teach the proper terms, teach it's not okay to grab others there, etc. She wasnt doing this intentionally to hurt him or anything like that.

Answer

I wouldn’t classify that as molestation. The girl saw it was different, got curious and touched it. Her mom now needs to talk to her about body parts and educate her on her curiosities, it’s not something that needs to be reported.

Answer

I think your friend is just a little overly emotional bc she’s so worried about how things will go with the adoption agency in general

what should have been done?

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