Husband hates that I’m breastfeeding...(long post, sorry!) Looking for friendly advice!)

Okay ladies, I’m essentially just looking for some friendly advice. Please no hateful comments.

We have been exclusively breastfeeding since our baby was about a week old. We did supplement with formula those first few days because the colostrum just wasn’t cutting it for her and she was still hungry after nursing until my milk fully came in. Other than those first few days, we have not done any formula.

It was all going great. I have plenty of milk, and even pumping at work is going well. The biggest issue is that my husband basically feels helpless when it comes to feeding our baby girl. I don’t pump enough during the day to have extra milk for him to use for night time feeds. So when it comes to night time feeds (which have been FREQUENT the last two weeks at least- thank you 4 month sleep regression), he is constantly waking me every time he sees her stir on the monitor. I have tried explaining that we need to give her a chance to self soothe before jumping in and picking up, feeding, etc.

This is the biggest thing we argue about!!! He wants to be able to just make his own decision to offer her milk when he thinks she may need it and doesn’t want to have to wake me to do it. She is our first baby and he has been paranoid from the very beginning. He hates for her to cry and if I take too long to get my boob out, it’s an argument. Basically, I think he just feels like he can’t make any decisions regarding her feeding and I completely understand how that could be frustrating. Especially when he’s dealing with a wife that is exhausted and cranky along with his own feelings of frustration or even inadequacy maybe.

I don’t like the idea of introducing formula at all! Even just in addition to breastfeeding and breastmilk bottles. I don’t know why, but I just really struggle with not wanting to introduce something besides my breastmilk!! I know she would be fine, I just am having a hard time because I want her to have the very best and I think it makes me feel like a failure or a bad mom even though it has nothing to do with supply and even if it did, that would not make me a failure or a bad mom!! It’s so frustrating and I just want my husband and I to be able to get along and truly parent together and not be at each other’s throats due to lack of sleep and/or frustrations about disagreeing on care.

I should also mention that I am very Type A and can be a major control freak so letting go of things like this is extremely difficult for me. It’s something I have to constantly be aware of and work on in our marriage. Should I agree to do breastmilk and formula bottles so he can be more a part of her feedings? Help a sister out!

What is your advice? Can any other mamas relate?