The blues

As I sit here cuddling my newborn all I can do is cry. She’s only 4 days old. We’ve been home for 2 days adjusting to home life with our 20 month old twins and all I can do is cry. Cry in bed, cry when I’m holding one of them. And I can’t stop. I know a lot of it is hormones and such but man this is hard.

My husband is only going to be off for the first week which is almost over and then I’m by myself with my newborn and twins. I feel like the twins feel betrayed. That their momma doesn’t love them or something because I’m so consumed with the new baby. I can’t pick them up fully yet because of my c-section and they don’t understand that so they cry when I tell them I can’t. They don’t understand that I want to play with them so much and be there with them but I can’t because I’m in so much pain right now.

I wish we didn’t have to go through this battle after birth. On top of having a newborn and the twins I’m now dealing with my own inner turmoil...

God. Motherhood is hard. I love it so much. And I know it will get better but it’s so hard right now.