Unexpected but expected

Monday I went in Bc I had been having some light spotting of old looking brown blood, I felt since I had it for over 2 weeks it was starting to concern me for soo long to mention I had to take my 3 hour glucose test last Friday and don’t have my next appt til next weds, originally they had wanted to just do a fetal heartbeat but decided last min to do an ultrasound and I saw right away there was no heartbeat although the US tech couldn’t confirm I knew, yesterday I went and had a D&C done... I was having a hard time connecting with this pregnancy Bc the man I started to date left me when I told him I was pregnant, and told me he wanted me to have an abortion and would give up his rights if I had it... I haven’t had contact with him since I told him almost 2 months ago, he has blocked me and I have no way of even telling him what has happened... I’m not super religious person but I do believe in God, I figured God wanted me pregnant that’s why I was pregnant and I would leave it up to him to decide if I would stay pregnant with a healthy baby or if he would decide it wasn’t my time... even though I’m saddened by the loss of my baby And I know i could’ve provided more than enough love for that baby on my own I know there was a reason that it wasn’t meant to be... I’m 39 and single and if I happen to meet an amazing man that wants a baby I would love to have one but if not I have 3 beautiful kids 20,17&11 that I love dearly... my baby was due Dec 30,2019 and although my baby wasn’t able to reach that date I will always remember this little nugget inside me that didn’t ask to be born in this world but had a mother that was here with open arms and a big heart to love him or her forever!! ❤️❤️