Help Calm My Nerves Please

So I'm 8W pregnant with hopefully my 3rd baby.

We lost one at 14.3W for unknown reasons between my other 2. We had heard the heartbeat 8 hours before hemorrhaging in the middle of the night and had an ultrasound 2 days prior where everything looked good.

We are switching insurance right now and I won't be able to even attempt to see a provider until 12W. After losing my baby I looked into ultrasounds and would rather avoid them along with doppler (a form of ultrasound). 12W is too soon to hear anything with a fetoscope so I won't have much confirmation of baby alive until probably 16W.

I'm just feeling rather nervous today for some reason. Like maybe baby is dead and my body doesn't realize it. And having lots of dreams about stillbirths or hemorrhaging in the middle of the night again. Or maybe I'm due for another loss since it follows the pattern (live, loss, live, ?).

Any words to settle my head are appreciated! 😭 I'm just so much more emotional than any of my other 3 pregnancies.