It's been a good 2 years since I left my ex husband back in Dec 2017. He had been the love of my life since I was 16, he was 19 at the time , and he was my first, so when it came down to the decision of leaving him, it actually was really hard, but it needed to be done.

He never did me wrong, but he just always wanted to smoke. We were married for 4 years (2014) but together for 6 (since 2012) , and for 6 years we smoked atleast 5 times a day.... when we got to the 3 year mark of marriage, we decided to finally try. But yet we never really had sex. Maybe once a month... for as young as we were that really sucked! 😏 I also have PCOS and was told that I will never have children without using fertility drugs. 💔 So what made me come to the decision to split? Well... one of our dogs stepped on his junk one day while we were playing around, and I jokingly told him, "it's not like you use it" and his tone of voice changed and he looks at me and told me that "hes not the one with the problem" that crushed me because not only was I already upset that I couldnt have kids but my husband knew it was all my fault we couldnt...

So after that it was the final straw for me and i decided to leave him. It was hard because he did not want me to leave him and he cried and begged for me back. While we were living apart, we tried to build our relationship back up. He said we were forced to marry and he is a bad person for me and that he could never change and I should just leave him alone. He also told me I was a very immature person because I would talk about my day to him and I always told him work gossip and he found that annoying! Like what the heck!

Him and I never really talked, he was always in the living room or in the room with his beats on and never really responded back to me. He was literally the only person I knew for 6 years. I did not have friends because I thought It was wrong to. I missed out on all my high school events, stopped talking to my best friends, I missed out on my teen years for him. And what does he do? He goes out and finds himself a younger, louder, girl... a girl he denied having anything to do with ... she came to my freaking house! Shame on her... shame on him....

All of that put me in such a depressed stage.... I started drinking, smoking again, and by 6 months my body count had gone from 1 to maybe 10....

My family started helping me get out of that stage and I had started going back to church in and out. But than my dad became store manager and my exs girl started working with my dad And she would often brag about everything they would do together. Stuff that he would never do with me. I begged my dad to transfer her out but he could not do that, because it didnt really "bother him" until my ex would go have lunch with her, than he finally acted up and transferred her out because she told him she "might be pregnant" and dad knew my situation.

I cried for days, I tried dating and it never happened. I started having anxiety attacks because I felt stuck. I stilled loved my ex and it was hurting me so much. I felt like I could not move on.

But... I prayed and started going to church every Sunday. I recently got baptized and started talking to a guy that I met on Facebook back since Aug of 2018. We had gone on maybe 3 dates. To where he did not kiss me the first 2 dates. He would actually come and pick me up. He brought me flowers one time. We actually had patches that we did not talk, but he always came back. Even after I brushed him off because I wasnt ready, even after the time I told him we could only be friends, even after the time I got mad at him for not telling me his ex works with him (in a different building), and even after I stood him up maybe 5 times. and once due to having an anxiety attack after he told me "he really like me because of my beautiful soul" 😭

I recently prayed and asked God to help me open my heart to someone. but not to play games with me, he helped me conquered my anxiety why not help his daughter find herself an amazing man. and finally give in to loving someone again.

Ladies I am happy to say that I am finally in a committed relationship with this guy! I could not be any happier! 🥰 My heart leaps for joy for him. I met all his friends this past weekend, and it was a rainy weekend We were leaving this restaurant ,and he ran ahead of me and in my head I was thinking... did he really just leave me behind? NOPE! WRONG! This guy had gone to the car to hold the door open for me! 😭 AND he didnt have a jacket on!!! He knows how much I love church, and I asked him to see I he would like to go with me, and without hesitation he said yes! he said he was too scared to ask to tag along because he didnt know how I would feel since that is kind of my sacred place. He walked straight into that church and introduced himself to almost everyone there! This man is the best thing that has ever happened to me! I know I made a great choice! I thank God for finally freeing me from missing my dumbass ex and for helping me find this amazing guy! 🥰