invisible and bad in bed. fucking had enough!

I have no idea where to post this, but I just have to let it out somewhere.

I’m 37 weeks pregnant and it’s safe to say my hormones are all over the place right now, yet that doesn’t excuse the way that the people around me are making me feel — and have done for some time now.

To begin with, I often feel like mobile phones and social media really tears apart the whole ‘bonding’ of family, relationships and friends. I mean you can tell me I’m overreacting, but when you’re having a full conversation with several people (let alone one) and the only response you get it a quick glimpse of eye contact before it drifts back towards their phone, you find yourself wondering if you’re even interesting or worth listening to in the first place. I legit feel like I’m talking to a brick wall the majority of the time I try and make conversation, yet when it comes to everyone else I’m always the first to respond, encourage and enthuse — you name it. I’m just there for everyone no matter what. I’ve tried to stand up for myself and throw digs but the most frustrating thing is that it always gets turned back on to me.. my fault. I’m the one with the issue. I just can’t be fucked for people’s attitudes at the moment!!!

The other thing I need to get off my chest is the horrible feeling of not being enough. My fiancé and I during sex have seemed to drift slightly apart. Yeah, I can imagine sleeping with a heavily pregnant woman isn’t the most sexy and amazing experience, but I can’t help that I feel like absolute dog shit right now and the little things in between make me feel none the better. He yawns, not once but several times while I’m on top. Yeah, I said it aloud. I’m clearly fucking boring. He hesitates to touch me which I guess could be excused in some cases but god, all I want is to feel as normal as possible at this stage. I just feel like no matter what I’m not as worth the effort as I used to be. He’ll shut his eyes and allow me to do the deed which makes me feel like I should just flip over and not continue >> I don’t want to feel like I’m fuck all, you know? I love and adore my fiancé but I have no idea as to why I’m the one who has to feel insecure, invisible and downright useless.

I’m sorry for my rant and how long it is.. just needed to throw it out there and hope someone has some comforting words.