Backstory: my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant since my son was 9 months old — so about 9 months now. I have an irregular cycle (we’ve done tons of tests and nothing seems to be wrong) so I never know when I’m ovulating unless I take a test every day. BBT doesn’t work since I always ovulate at a different time.

Anywho, I was feeling discouraged this morning. I had taken a pregnancy test last night and it was negative. I was going to talk to my doctor about prescribing a medication that would induce ovulation (he had told me about it at our last appt and said I was a prime candidate).

This morning I coughed and got a weird pelvic cramp. I’ve been getting them every so often when I cough, sneeze, or laugh. It felt a lot like round ligament pain so I decided to take a more expensive pregnancy test just to see. It was faint, but positive.

I was ecstatic. I called my husband and my best friend and my mom. When the clinic opened I went in just to double check. They had me take a urine test. It was negative.

I was so shocked when I heard the nurse say that. I told her I had taken a home test and it was faint but definitely positive. She seemed surprised and immediately left. As soon as she left the room I started sobbing. One of the nurses came in and asked if I was ok. I said “yes” but immediately started crying again. She gave me a hug and said it wasn’t time to worry just yet. She said they would run a blood test and that should be more conclusive.

Next came the longest hour of my life. My husband came from work to help take care of our toddler. I thought it would be a quick in-and-out appointment so I had brought him with. I sat there wondering if I was miscarrying, or just not pregnant, or had some condition that was causing a false positive. I tried to maintain my composure, but I was so disappointed and worried. My husband was so sweet through all of it. He held my hand and comforted me and took care of our son.

Finally the LPN came in. She looked so grave. But then she told me I was pregnant! She said it’s probably really early and that’s why there was so much confusion with the tests. Guys I want to be excited, but I’m so scared to be excited. With my first I was further along (about 8 weeks) so it felt so much more real to me. I’m scared to let this pregnancy feel real. I’m so scared of getting my hopes up.

Please, please pray for me and my little bean. I want another little one so badly.