At one time, I called you my baby. I told you I loved and at the time, it was true. Even now it’s a little true but then it happened. I told you about something that I’ve been insecure about my whole life and I know it’s wrong. You came into this relationship knowing about it. I didn’t hide it, I was up front from the beginning but when it became “real” to you. You shunned it. Your reaction scared me, I just wanted support and I understand you were... jealous. I told you nothing would happen and he was my friend and still is. I could have cheated on you, never mention him to you. I didn’t want to do that, not to you, not to anyone. Yet instead of being supportive and trying to understand where I was coming from you got mad at me. I couldn't mention him without you freaking out! He’s my best friend! You used to be but now and then you weren’t. I’m not saying it's your fault. If I’m being honest it was my fault, I got scared by your actions, I lost trust and I stopped communicating with you and it hurt us both. For that I’m genuinely sorry, part of me misses you but I know that this is for the best. We had a good run and I don’t want to regret anything that happened. I want to look back on the time we had together and smile. I don’t know if you’ll do the same but I hope you will. I felt I needed to get everything off my chest, if this would make you hate me than so be it. I wanted to be honest and not to have all these feelings stuffed inside me. Perhaps it’d help you too. I don’t mean to be presumptuous but I can’t help it.

(This is a letter I wrote to my ex, I haven’t sent it to them yet and I’m wondering if I should. Or if I should rewrite when my head is clearer then please help)

Edit: So I wrote another letter. Below is it. I’m thinking of sending them both together(almost all my friends think I shouldn’t but I think I should or at least really want to)

The letter above, I wrote in the middle of class to my feelings out. Or what I was feeling at the time. Now since it's been almost three months, you still haven’t left my thoughts and trust me I’ve thought a lot. At that time I was angry, angry that the person trusted most reacted the way you did. Now I understand, you were jealous and furious and I shut myself away. I didn’t try to understand how you felt, I was selfish and made everything about me. I didn’t think about you like I should. During that time, I wish I remembered the time I asked you out, the bleachers, the tree and well our three month? I think it was that anniversary but not positive, I’m sure you know which one. I’m not going to lie and say I don’t miss you, I do. More than anyone else I’ve everknown and lost. I still love you. What I did was unforgivable, it was horrible and I wholeheartedly expect you to never talk to me again. I just want you to know, I love you and hate you all at the same time. It’s so hard, I just want you. At the very least back in my life. I blamed so much that was going on with me from january to march on you, that was unfair. I realize now that it was not you, it was me. I had a lot going at the time, socially, physically and mentally. I, for a long time after our break up, blamed you for everything. I made you out to be some sort of monster, when you weren’t. Honestly I realize now that we were so good together and if I had just talked to you about certain things our relationship would have lasted so much longer and for that I am sorry. We didn’t communicate enough and we should have. I wish you were completely honest with me, I should have been more honest and I wish I asked more questions. I wish I knew why you didn’t want your parents to know about us even more. There are so many things I regret but even more that I don’t. I don’t regret our relationship and in a lot of ways I wish it didn’t end. I know why I ended it but I wish I didn’t. I wish I just talked with you about how I felt and we went from there.