I apologize if this is long... I'm just shy of 31 weeks pregnant. I have anxiety and PTSD and while not pregnant was on a low dose of clonazepam and Ativan to manage my symptoms and was very mentally healthy and well adjusted while on my medication.

Of course, once I was pregnant I went off my meds due to the potential risk to my baby. I was coping decently enough until I started dealing with hyperemesis. This lasted from about 6 weeks to about 24 weeks. This was very difficult on my husband and I, both mentally, physically, and financially, as I'm the breadwinner for my household while he goes to school. With my frequent hospitalizations, I was making next to nothing. He works a full time minimum wage job but that isn't enough to support a household off of. I was unable to get assistance through any programs due to my income previously being too high and so for many months, it became a balancing act of trying to pay off medical bills, paying the mortgage, and trying to afford food.

Now that I'm well enough to work, I've been picking up extra shifts because I'm in a repayment program for a missed mortgage payment. I still get threatening letters frequently regarding forclosure- I have asked and they can't stop the letters, though the company assures me that provided I follow the repayment plan, I'll be okay.

However, the high stress of almost losing my house and dealing with prolonged illness has left me to the point where I have frequent panic attacks. With some of the worse ones, I've contemplated suicide while desperately trying to figure out a way to get the panic to stop.

I contacted my doctor and they're having me see a different therapist than my usual about this. First I'd just like to say that the thoughts only come at the worst point of my panic attacks- I normally have no intent to harm myself. I don't want to go on SSRIs or SNRIs- I've tried both in the past and had some awful side effects, and they didn't help my anxiety. My goal is to get back on my normal meds after I give birth. I have a very supportive husband. I would never, ever hurt my baby- I already love my baby and couldn't bear to lose it.

I'm afraid that since I told my doctor that I had been feeling suicidal, that they will attempt to take my baby from me once its born. Does anybody have any advice or is anyone able to help put my fears at ease? Thank you for reading...