I’m a first time mom and I have really struggled with depression&anxiety since I was 6 years old. I’ve been diagnosed with severe prenatal depression and REALLY REALLY STRUGGLING with it. I’m still not really “connected” with my baby at 17 weeks 4 days, it’s hard to even say this for the first time but after being really excited at 3/4 weeks everything shifted at 6 weeks I went from taking tests every 2 days to make sure my line was getting darker to actively looking into and thinking about abortion, I stopped taking my prenatal vitamins, purposefully tried not to eat, slept up to 16 hours a day and sometimes took naps after sleeping that long too and take the hottest showers I cloud for a couple weeks (I’m past that now).I’m pushing myself to develop a connection and it’s starting to form as I put baby things together, organize everything I bought when I found out I was pregnant, deciding on a middle name with my husband, picking my favorite first names and pinning baby shower ideas on my Pinterest. I know I’ve got a long way to go and that’s why I’m 90% sure I want it to be just my husband and I when we deliver our baby boy as well as have the first day and possibly the second day as well all to ourselves, no visitors (even grandparents). [ little back story as to why I want time alone with my little family. We sold our house 1. Because it was too small to raise a baby in 2. Because the market is in the sellers favor, we profited $14,000 in a year of buying the home! So with selling and being pregnant we really didn’t want to waist money on renting a 3 bd while waiting for the market to return to being in the buyers favor, my mom happily let us take the large downstairs bedroom and downstairs living room. In this house there is myself 21 yrs, my husband 25 yrs, my mom very young lol, my sister 16 yrs, my sister 15 yrs, my brother 7 yrs and my brother 3 yrs! With that being said it’s going to be a VERY LONG TIME until it gets to be just the 3 of us alone again.] With all that being said my mom would really like to be in the delivery room if she can or at least be in the waiting room and come see him right after he’s born. My mom had my grandma in the room with her for all of her grandchildren being born except the last one because her choice was made for her when my grandma passed away a month before she got pregnant. This was a SUPER hard time for my mom and I, my mom developed shingles due to her body going into extreme stress and anxiety because she was the one who found her and my body broke out in a stress rash for months (I was extremely close with my grandma, she was my second mom.). I think a lot of that has to due with why she wants to be there for me and her first grandchild which is why this is such a hard thing to decide for me. I really don’t want to hurt her feelings she has done so much for me most of without being asked and I couldn’t imagine a better grandma for my son. Please don’t judge me. I just need reassurance that the plan I’m pretty sure I want is actually beneficial for our mother son relationship and for my mental health or polite responses as to why I should follow the other 10% my heart wants. Also advice on how I should tell my mom, husband, fil and mil (my husband knows about my prenatal depression but not to the extent I explained in this post.).

P.S . . .

I’ve spoke to my OB and they upped my dose on my medication and have referred me to a counselor but I haven’t set up my first appointment yet.