So, I used to feel this way when I was younger too, because no one thought I was hot, and then suddenly I was 19 and everyone was drooling over me. It was 0 to 60 and it was really hard for me, tbh. I wasn't trying to be hot, I was trying to look like an adult because I was trying to grow up as a person.

Anyway, I've been trying to meet new people and stuff, there's this hot guy at work I have a SERIOUS crush on, so I wore my hair down to work, which is rare, but half the time it's because I washed it. Honestly, I just wanted to feel attractive again because I felt like a hot old mess because I am 30 now and wasn't really trying to look nice for a bit.

Well, I got so much attention for my hair being down it actually made me uncomfortable. It feels like, unfair, for me to get all this attention I don't need. I don't like attracting attention, so usually I try to be very reserved and only professional, not attractive- but im being more warm, honest and friendly because I honestly want to make new friends and go out more and be a better person- cuz when I was depressed I got super isolated and shut everyone out, and I just want to be good to people now, not hide like I always do.

And I don't feel that attractive, im small, i have some wrinkles, my teeth aren't perfect, im not curvy. But I am perceived as attractive by at least some people, and I actually feel what I would call disphoria. Im starting to feel scared to dress immodestly, or wear my hair down, I just feel strange, like people are judging me or not seeing who I am beyond my face. This is the reason I just don't post pics most places.

I don't want to be seen, even though I like how I look, I don't like how other people react to how I look.

Last night me and my gay buds were havin some gay conversations, my male friend made a comment that it took him months to get 69 likes ok cupid & it took me one day. Which is completely true, I just made my profile.

I think people just like how I look, they don't like me, and to be honest, it makes me sad, not to be liked for who I am. And I know because I only wrote like 4 sentences and he actually worked on his profile so people have a good sense of who he is.

I'm uncomfortable with how I am prioritized as a potential mate as a cis white woman, even though tbh im nonbinary, not cis.

And maybe that's part of it, nobody sees my nonbinary, the male in me that I have always felt.

I like myself, im ok being a woman or seen like that, i like my body, I just am very afraid of how people react to it.

Does looking nice ever genuinely upset you? wtf aren't I supposed to like it?

By the way, im aging, so that complicates this.

I felt much better in the woods, camping and hiking. I feel most confident there. Glad im going hiking today.

Im also sorry if this upsets you, im just confused why im feeling uncomfortable lately. I know it's not a big deal, overthink everything and maybe I feel bad my friend doesn't get as much attention because he is a great guy.