It’s been one year. One fucking ugly year trying to get pregnant. I hoped that I wouldn’t make it to this mark. Each month that passed, the closer it got, that little sliver of hope started to get dimmer and dimmer.

How?

Why?

Two young people are suppose to easily conceive right?

So why are these young people struggling so hard?

Why us?

Why can’t I sneeze and get pregnant like it seems everyone around me is doing?

Here I am, barren. Why even keep trying? What’s the fucking point?

Fuck this.

This is not what I asked for.

Probably going to delete Glow and all my other TTC apps. Might as well stop trying.

I’ve been working so hard on myself to get out of this depression that’s been weighing on me.

I was bettering myself.

I’ve started taking showers more frequently. I’ve stopped letting my hair knot to the point where it would take hours to brush it out. I’ve thought about just shaving my head so I didn’t have to deal with it anymore, but I didn’t. I’ve stopped going days without eating barely a meal and actually cooking for myself. You don’t even know how much of an accomplishment it is to be able to get myself out of bed and take steps to actually take care of myself. All for what?

Guess I’m just going to curl up in the my bed the rest of the day and shut the world out.

Bye ladies. 💔