Conflicted..

You treat me like trash but I take you back. You take every ounce of my love, and abuse it over and over. You cheated on me recently; I swept it under the rug and took you back, not a day goes by that I don’t think about that, you betrayed me because you wanted to; but I took you back. You still lie, about the littlest things, and I always take you back. Time and time again I take you back, over and over, an endless cycle that I can’t seem to get out of. Idk if I love you, maybe I never did, maybe I was obsess with the thought of loving you that I didn’t fully get to love you. My heart hurts a lot, I often cry myself to sleep because I don’t know why someone who claims to love me, wants to hurt me, destroy me. Laughs at the fact that I’m hurt. Does he get off knowing that he succeeded in hurting me? Does he even care that I cry myself to sleep? What is it that makes me want him so bad? Why can’t I let him go? I’ve tried and tried, but it seems like I’m always coming back for more, more abuse, more pain. Do I even love myself?