I just need to pour my heart. **LONG STORY**

Last year in March, I found out I was pregnant! I was so happy, that I cried so hard, I finally thought to myself “This is it, I finally get to know the feeling of growing a child inside me” I told my BF that was sleeping, “Babe, I took a pregnancy test.. I’m pregnant” and he got up and says “ No way!!” And I showed him and he was so happy , I was so happy!

One week later.. I was feeling weird, but I let it go... I started talking to myself and trying to get my mind off of it and it helped a little. The next day, I had that weird feeling again and it was a cramp, that hurt enough to feel that I had a really faint pink blood gush out and the cramp got worse.

I go to the hospital and they did a vaginal ultrasound and they could not find the baby.. I started to worry and they ended up telling me that I might have an ectopic pregnancy, which the the egg implanted itself in my right Fallopian tube. They told me it can be too early to see since at the time they thought that I was 5 weeks.

Next week comes and I have an appointment with my Gyno for a 6 week vaginal ultrasound to see if they can see anything. During the whole ultrasound, I’m tearing up thinking please let them see you, I need you to let me know you’re okay, WE ARE OKAY! The tech told me to not worry and clean up and wait here for the doctor.

I just cried when the doctor came in and told me that I have an ectopic pregnancy and I’m 8 weeks along and if I wait any longer I’m at risk of losing my life growing through the pregnancy. I has surgery and I had my right Fallopian tube taken out. I felt so empty after that surgery, a part of me was taken away. I died as soon as they told me that I’m not pregnant anymore, even though I’ll have the symptoms of an “active pregnancy” for the next 6 weeks. I cried for months, telling my BF “I don’t want a baby anymore.. I can’t handle this heart break. I can’t do this anymore, I don’t know what I would do if this happens again”. As always he would be my backbone and try to comfort me, but I would hear him in the middle of night crying asking god “why can’t we be blessed with a baby.. Why did this happen.. asking please to take away my pain and heal my heart”.

It took me about 7 months to actually being okay from the loss of our child.

I have went to see doctors and been examined to see how is my other Fallopian tube and it is blocked. They have tried opening it, no luck.

My best option is to go through

<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>

, and I’m a little happy that I will still be a mother one day.

Infertility is no joke!! I guess growing up , you never hear anything like this, we’re woman have struggled with getting pregnant.

It’s just now, I have been crying a lot lately, and maybe because my period is like 8 days away, but I have been crying non stop and I’m just so tired of expecting to be pregnant every month, thinking I will have a miracle and BOOM, I’m pregnant.. but it’s just not that easy. Even typing this story out brought me memories and I cried so hard. I’m just sad, and depressed when thinking about it all.

** if you gotten this far, thank you so much for reading my sad story**