Thinking about going on anti depressants

I’m 21 weeks pregnant with an 11 month old son. My moods have been complete shit this pregnancy, I know I know (pregnancy hormones, hormone changes) but that’s not it. I was feeling this way before I got pregnant, and now it’s just super heightened. After my son was born I got a little bit of post partum, but little did I know that wasn’t even post partum. This is. I thought post partum was only for the first few weeks after Baby was born, I didn’t know it can show up any time in the first year. My depression is worse now, I’m harder on myself because I have a baby depending on me. I’m always feeling guilty, anxious/worried that what I’m doing is never good enough. I’m constantly worried that what I do right now will affect my son later on in life (to me these worries are normal) every parent worries. But I’ve been feeling just so overwhelmed, always in a negative angry mood, of course I have some ‘good’ days here and there; but recently it’s been horrible. I find myself getting easily frustrated with my son, when he doesn’t want to take his nap, when he’s just extra whiny, when he doesn’t want to lay down while I change his bum. I just feel like my patience are not where I want them to do, my mood is defiantly not where it should be. I’m not motivated to do ANYTHING. Basic things like showering, making food, doing the dishes, cleaning... the list goes on. I believe moods are affected by environment and that your environment speaks volumes about who you are. Right now my mood is making me so I can’t do simple things, resulting in a shit environment, then I feel even more shitty, less motivated and over whelmed to do anything about it, the cycle never ends. Clothes are PILING up, dishes are constantly never done (I do a few here and there), living room is always a cluster fuck of toys, just random things out of place. I literally feel like this depression is consuming me. Sometimes I get so angry/flustered I can’t breathe, my blood pressure goes up and I get hot and dizzy. I just want to wake up and feel like living, feel like going outside and being happy about it. Right now I feel forced to walk out the door, to put on clothes that haven’t been washed in a week, to just throw my hair up that hasnt been washed or brushed in god knows how long. I want to feel better so I can be a better mom, I know I’m a good mom. I love my son with literally everything. But I know he deserves my best and right now I’m not.

I didn’t take anti depressants when I was pregnant with my son, I was told there were too many risks. But this time around my doctors are telling me it’s best if I’m emotionally healthy. I need suggestions on what medication others are on that’s deemed safe so I can bring a list and discuss with my doctor on Monday. I feel guilty for wanting to put my unborn daughter through this (taking meds) but I need to think about the bigger picture here, both my kids deserve a happy and healthy mom. ❤️ thank you for reading, and for hopefully no judgement.